You Fit

The voice comes out of nowhere, stealth belying it’s powerful cruelty.  “You don’t fit here!”

At first, I’m confused, then incredulous that I should feel this way now, here in the midst of my own people.  But I still listen and believe and four little words derail an entire week.

As  a missionary woman, I’m prepared to feel different when I arrive to a new country and culture.  It’s just stating the obvious to say I don’t completely fit here (yet).  As much as I work to become all things and strive to adapt to my new home, I know it just takes time.  So, I wouldn’t be injured if that’s what the voice was referring to.

But it’s not.  No, it’s condemning me now, while I’m spending a week at our mission base, surrounded by my own countrymen.  I’m caught completely off guard by the echoes of “You don’t belong”.  I never expected to hear them here.

I let four words reverberate in my mind, pierce my soul.  With surprising speed they multiply, accusing me with increasing disdain.

“You’re spoiled!  You have a dryer.  Everyone else uses a clothesline.”

“You’re frivolous!  You love to shop and wear high heels and dangly earrings.”

“You’re selfish!  You don’t enjoy your children as much as she does.”

“You’re soft!  You can’t endure a few hours of heat for the chance to visit with friends.”

“You’re shallow!  You spend too much time thinking about how to make your house beautiful.”

My soul is painfully crippled and I am exhausted from repeatedly telling myself that these things are not true, when all the while I fear that they really are.

My soul needs true revival, not a pep talk, so I go to the words of life.  This time the voice I hear is His.

“Oh child, you BELONG.  I chose you.  It brought me great pleasure to bring you to myself through Christ.  You are my masterpiece!  You fit in me.

I carefully chose you, with your unique interests and gifts, to be a part of my body.  I put you where I want you, high heels and all.  It pleases me to see you doing the special work you were created to do.  You fit in my body, child.

And you are neither spoiled, frivolous, selfish, soft or shallow.  I never think that when I think of you.  My voice rises above all others to declare you Holy, Blameless, Complete, Accepted and Loved.  Will you listen to me?  Will you believe me, child?”

“Yes, Lord!,” I cry.  “I believe!  Help my unbelief!”  The condemning voices fade and I’m free.

**As painful as it is to admit that I wasted so much joy last week, I know that there is nothing new under the sun.  I hope that sharing my experience will encourage someone else who is wading their way through a murky mess of lies.  There is never joy in comparing ourselves amongst ourselves, because we are such ignorant judges.  The only One that can declare the truth about us sits on high and has already made it abundantly clear.  We fit.**

Scripture: Ephesians 1:3-8, 2:10, 2:21-22; I Corinthians 12:18-20

(Re-posted from My Place of Peace, with Shilo’s permission)

Have you struggled with this same issue or similar ones? Do you ever feel like you are the only one who feels as you do? How has God spoken to you during these times of feeling that you don’t “fit?”

(Post by: Shilo, question added by Ashley)


5 Responses to “You Fit”

  1. 1 jodymccomas March 4, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    I enjoyed reading your post and just finished reading Eph. 2 myself this morning. I am reading it from the Voice which I love. The translation is so refreshing so wanted to share with you 2:10 because I wrote it in my journal this morning.

    “For we are the product of His hand, heaven’s poetry etched on lives, created in Jesus, the Liberator, to accomplish the good works God arranged long ago.” I hope you enjoy that verse as much as I did today.

  2. 2 Carrie March 4, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    Been there, done that, not in a hurry to go back…

  3. 3 Ashley L March 4, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    Thank you so much, Shilo! Satan truly is the father of lies and it seems no matter what situation we find ourselves in, he tries to slip some condemning lie in there telling us that we are anything other than how God sees us. I have definitely struggled with these same sorts of lies and am so refreshed by your encouragement.

  4. 4 Shilo March 4, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Praise God that He continues the work He began in us! Even though I believe these truths and they have changed me greatly in the past, I continue to be amazed at how much more I need to believe them!

  5. 5 Ashley L. March 5, 2010 at 4:24 am

    Totally agree, Shilo. Identity issues were my greatest struggle as a new believer. I thought for awhile that I was done with that, but nope! This struggle loves to morph and change appearances. Praise God that He keeps working on us, as I know for me this will be a life-long area of growth and refinement, but yes, Praise God that we do grow!

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